Mental Health · Positivity

I’m ready!!

I’m ready to kick some booty this semester, because last really kicked mine. Getting organized by labelling what to read and by when. I some how ended up with 3 heavy reading courses (rip me) but I’m ready!

Some awesome things that have happened recently: I have joined an OCD group, focused on exposure therapy. I’m super excited to learn strategies to handle things I didn’t even know were abnormal until recently!! Next, I joined a knitting club, lmao 😂 something I’ve always wanted to try. I’m kind of getting back into writing (poetry?) because doing it badly is better than not doing it all, right!?

Here is the latest:

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Lastly, I had a weird realization the other day: I’ve been learning all about myself the last few weeks. Like you know when you are becoming friends with someone new, and you learn about what they like and how they are, etc.? That’s what’s happening to me, but for me!! It’s hard to explain and probably sounds silly, but I didn’t realize how little love I had for myself until I was forced to face it.

I’m just doing me and forgetting about the rest. It’s 10/10. Highly recommend.

I hope spring semester, (or just January-April), has treated you all kindly thus far, and continues to be good for you. ♥️

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Mental Health · Positivity

DO YOU.

The holidays are a stressful time for everyone. Expectations, expectations, expectations. What are you doing with your degree? When will you finish? What did you get everyone? How long are you staying? What are we doing today, together? Are you happy now? Are you seeing all of your friends? You shouldn’t eat that! Are you happy now? When are you getting married? Kids? Savings? Shopping? What are you doing with your life?

Amplified expectations.

The majority of these expectations, I’m realizing, are self inflicted. Your aunt may ask, your mom may pry, your grandma may wonder, but it’s you that is in control. Step back, and examine how you accept these comments.

It is ultimately your life. If you are taking an extra year on your degree, great! You will finish. You don’t need to get married or have kids yet; only when you’re ready. If you need to go home early because you’re “familied out”, GO. If you don’t feel comfortable being who you are around your family, that’s okay.

At the end of the day, everyone just wants what is best for you. I promise you that stressing to meet everyone else’s expectation is not that. The best person who knows what’s beat for you is you… and your mom so listen to her (90% of the time). The holidays are filled with so many expectations, so it’s our duty to protect ourselves from them. Ultimately, you are in control. Whether it’s anxiety, life decisions, or what to eat, do what is best for you and don’t beat yourself up for it. Loved ones will have opinions, but at the end of the day, happiness and wellness are the only priorities that should dictate change in your life.

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** here is my best boi, unapologetically living his best chubby life. do you, boo boo. **

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Mental Health

Thank u, next

It’s really easy to get carried away and swept up in the interpretations that others have made about who you are. I for one am very, very guilty of this, to a fault. I will drag myself down to a bad place just trying to get someone to reconsider. I will never give up because I believe that I can’t stop trying, I must fix it. I have to.

I’m learning time and time again that some people are just not worth it after the 50th time. Know yourself. Know who you are. Know what you’ve done, and how hard you’ve tried because in the end, that’s all you can do.

2018 has been a year of loss in many ways, and it’s my decision of what I take from it. With anxiety and depression it can be really hard to see the silver linings, and you can find yourself just going around and around in a circle of “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve”, and it will literally bring you down, down, down so far, (week and a half ago). Put the effort into yourself, your loved ones, the ones who remain.

You are not the words of someone else. Wish em well, say yikes, and move on. Thank u, next, ✌🏻

 

Mental Health · Wellness

I Hate Being Sick

I really hate being sick. The last few days have sucked! I’ve been sick and felt super useless, which is super hard for me to accept. I stand up to get something done, and then I feel dizzy. Being sick is the worst, especially when you have so much to do! I hate asking for help.

I’ve had to cancel appointments. I even had to call into work yesterday which is something I never do, EVER. It was defeating at first, because I felt like I was letting everyone down. I feel like I’m annoying my boyfriend from being so useless.

What use is thinking that way going to do? Okay, I’m trying really hard to flip this mindset into something more positive. For example, being sick does suck, but it’s the universe telling you to slow down. Take a breather, and take some time for you. It’s okay to ask for help, others feel good when they can do something for someone else.

But, I don’t have time to sit around and do nothing. I have so much to do!

Make time.

Your well being is most important, and clearly at this level of responsibility, you cannot prioritize yourself so you need to work on that. You can’t help others until you help yourself first. You need to fuel your gas tank before you can get to where you need to go.

So yesterday I took it easy, relaxed, and just sent some emails. I did do meal prep, but I took it slow and paced myself with Sims 4 breaks in between. Sometimes you just need to let your body drive, rather than your mind. Your body will get you through, you just need to give it time and fuel.

So today, I’m feeling a little bit better, and all I want to do is kick it into overdrive again and get everything done, but instead I’m pacing myself, studying for 1 hour, and then taking a break, repeat. Taking medicine, drinking water. Relaxing.

It probably sounds really silly to some of you, but these things are such huge accomplishments for me. Learning how to me there for myself is something I’m really proud of. Everyone deserves to be cared for, even you, by you.

Take care of yourself today because you owe it to yourself. ♥️

xo,

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Mental Health · Wellness

Transitions

Hi it’s me with some more bungled thoughts. Sorry for the really long break; it’s been a really busy few weeks!!

Update: I feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel from the moment I wake up in the morning, until the moment I close my eyes at night. The last few weeks, adjusting to full time school and work, have been really overwhelming. (I’m just covering extra shifts at work right now because we are short staffed).

I am definitely discovering boundaries and limits which is really foreign territory for me. I always went on as a yes man, always saying yes and getting it done, until I’d crash and burn. I’m realizing that it’s one of my greatest weaknesses.

I’m FINALLY learning that it’s okay to say NO. It’s okay to skip out on something, to take time for you, and to prioritize your own mental health. It’s a little harder when it’s work and school, but the idea still stands.

To say I’m stressed at the moment is an understatement, but I lack the ability to self-sooth it, so I’m just running around in circles, (hence the hamster wheel metaphor). I feel myself falling into what I call “a bad luck spiral”, where it’s just constant bad things happening to you because they’re happening to you and you focus on them, so more bad things happen.

My bad luck spiral this week includes: making silly mistakes at work, having my car battery die, and then continue to die, and not having time to get a new battery so many many jump starts, having to cancel appointments, my referral for seeing a psychologist was cancelled because they were given the wrong phone number so I wasn’t answering their calls, forgetting things at home and being late, the list goes on. I know that these things are happening due to a lack of time and too many commitments. It’s my natural habitat, what can I say.

I’m trying to juggle everything, and be perfect for everyone, and I’m turn, not putting my best work out there. I’m making mistakes at work, being late for events, and falling behind in school. My anxiety is through the roof.

The good news is that I’ve put in a request for less hours ASAP because I’m mega struggling. I’m also talking to loved ones about what I’m going through which is really helping. I’m getting another referral to talk to someone. I’m trying so hard to solidify my boundaries and limits for future reference.

We will persevere. We will conquer. We will accomplish. ♥️

xo,

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Mental Health · Positivity

I Appreciate You

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I said yes to a movie date all those years ago, but I know for sure that it was the right decision. I often feel like I don’t deserve you, or that you’re too good for me, but I’m trying daily to remember that the universe doesn’t make mistakes. My anxiety tells me you’re going to leave, that it’s all too good to be true, and that you’re getting tired of me. You remind me that my anxiety tells me a lot of things, but it doesn’t make it true. I remind myself that you were sent to me for a reason, and you are still around for a reason.

You are far from perfect to a normal standard, but you are perfect for me. You grind my gears, but you help me become a better person every day. You take my broken pieces, and help me glue them back together.

I appreciate your time, patience, words, humour, kindness, love, effort, and commitment. Whatever I did to deserve you is something I thank the universe for everyday. Regardless of what happens I will always have someone in my corner of the ring to call me on my shit but hold me until it’s over, and that I wish for ever person out there. Everyone deserves to find the love that you have for me.

xo,

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