Mental Health · Wellness

Transitions

Hi it’s me with some more bungled thoughts. Sorry for the really long break; it’s been a really busy few weeks!!

Update: I feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel from the moment I wake up in the morning, until the moment I close my eyes at night. The last few weeks, adjusting to full time school and work, have been really overwhelming. (I’m just covering extra shifts at work right now because we are short staffed).

I am definitely discovering boundaries and limits which is really foreign territory for me. I always went on as a yes man, always saying yes and getting it done, until I’d crash and burn. I’m realizing that it’s one of my greatest weaknesses.

I’m FINALLY learning that it’s okay to say NO. It’s okay to skip out on something, to take time for you, and to prioritize your own mental health. It’s a little harder when it’s work and school, but the idea still stands.

To say I’m stressed at the moment is an understatement, but I lack the ability to self-sooth it, so I’m just running around in circles, (hence the hamster wheel metaphor). I feel myself falling into what I call “a bad luck spiral”, where it’s just constant bad things happening to you because they’re happening to you and you focus on them, so more bad things happen.

My bad luck spiral this week includes: making silly mistakes at work, having my car battery die, and then continue to die, and not having time to get a new battery so many many jump starts, having to cancel appointments, my referral for seeing a psychologist was cancelled because they were given the wrong phone number so I wasn’t answering their calls, forgetting things at home and being late, the list goes on. I know that these things are happening due to a lack of time and too many commitments. It’s my natural habitat, what can I say.

I’m trying to juggle everything, and be perfect for everyone, and I’m turn, not putting my best work out there. I’m making mistakes at work, being late for events, and falling behind in school. My anxiety is through the roof.

The good news is that I’ve put in a request for less hours ASAP because I’m mega struggling. I’m also talking to loved ones about what I’m going through which is really helping. I’m getting another referral to talk to someone. I’m trying so hard to solidify my boundaries and limits for future reference.

We will persevere. We will conquer. We will accomplish. ♥️

xo,

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Mental Health · Positivity

I Appreciate You

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I said yes to a movie date all those years ago, but I know for sure that it was the right decision. I often feel like I don’t deserve you, or that you’re too good for me, but I’m trying daily to remember that the universe doesn’t make mistakes. My anxiety tells me you’re going to leave, that it’s all too good to be true, and that you’re getting tired of me. You remind me that my anxiety tells me a lot of things, but it doesn’t make it true. I remind myself that you were sent to me for a reason, and you are still around for a reason.

You are far from perfect to a normal standard, but you are perfect for me. You grind my gears, but you help me become a better person every day. You take my broken pieces, and help me glue them back together.

I appreciate your time, patience, words, humour, kindness, love, effort, and commitment. Whatever I did to deserve you is something I thank the universe for everyday. Regardless of what happens I will always have someone in my corner of the ring to call me on my shit but hold me until it’s over, and that I wish for ever person out there. Everyone deserves to find the love that you have for me.

xo,

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Mental Health · Positivity · Wellness

Dear Body,

I’m sorry. I’m still learning to love you. Every day I’m trying, now. I’ve spent so many years hating you when I was thin and when I was larger. I don’t want to hate you anymore, because you’ve never done me wrong. When you carried me through the best moments of my life, I still hated you. You did nothing but be there for me. You digest my favourite foods, allow me to feel so many things, let me see my surroundings. I’ve spent so much time trying to hide you from the world.

That ends today. You are nothing to be ashamed of. You are not something that needs to be hidden from the world. I don’t hate you anymore, at least I’m trying not to. I’m grateful for you. I’m trying every day to be grateful for you. You are always there when I need you to take me where I need to go. You are always there to calm me of my anxiety. I’m trying to love you body, and I will continue to try my best to love you each and everyday. All of you.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Why is society’s standard to not be body positive? It’s like if you’re confident about your body you’re a narcissist or something. What is so wrong with showing ourselves some love?!

They tell you on the airplane to secure your mask before helping another. You take time off work if you’re sick. You go to work and/or school every day to better yourself.

So why is ~simply~ being positive about your body so hard? Why are we influenced and encouraged to be insecure, (not intentionally of course)?

It’s taken years of bullshit and vastly deteriorating mental health to get to this point. I’m still struggling everyday. The most important things is that we don’t give up. I’m hitting a point in life where there’s no way out but self love. The universe has slapped me in the face because I’ve neglected myself for so long, and I must grow.

We’re all on this together. Check yourself out. Drink water. Move your body. Fuel your body. Feed your soul. Buy yourself a cupcake. Eat the cupcake. Repeat.

xo,

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Mental Health · Positivity

“Sticks and stones”

I remember when I was younger, my mom would always tell me: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

She told me to repeat it in my head over and over again. But the words do hurt. They really, hecking hurt. They encourage my mind to run through the miles and miles of negative thoughts and self doubt I harbour in my head.

A lot of things hurt. Some days just being awake hurts. Mental health is so hard to understand sometimes because not enough people are talking about it. There still remains stigma.

I encourage you to speak up, and speak out. Even if you just share your feelings, or what you deal with, it’s something. There is nothing more comforting than finding that you aren’t alone in how you feel.

A lot of things hurt, but there is comfort out there. There are others out there that feel the way you do. There are people who care about you. There is more to life than how you feel.

Words hurt, but this too shall pass. 🌷

xo,

A3D7EE3D-F666-4772-AE13-C37CADDE24A6

Knowledge · Mental Health · Wellness

Self care?

So far my 20’s have been a mess, in the sense that the transition from living under the guidance and authority of my parents, to being completely my own person. Recently, I’ve hit a wall and come to some hard realizations: I have absolutely no skills in self care. I have no idea when to take a break, when to let things go, when to put myself first, or even what taking care of myself feels like.

I have a habit of imploding when things go bad, and instead of taking time to get trough it, I distract myself with everything and everything. This just leads to me burning out and bottling up the original problems, which is not super healthy. So, instead of continuing down this path and sulking about it, I’m deciding to research, speaking to loved ones, and figuring out how the fuck to be 22.

I need to figure out self care. This may sound silly, because some of you may have developed these skills when you were 5, but I’m realizing it’s okay to learn things later in life!

Step 1: What is self care?

I see people talking about self care days/routines. What does this even mean? When do you do this? What do I do? Well it’s different for everyone.

Self care for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay! Self care is about putting yourself first, and letting yourself grow and breathe.

For some people, that is bath bombs, a good book, and some alone time.

For others, it’s catching up with a loved one you haven’t seen in a while, and journaling your thoughts.

For me, I still don’t quite know yet, but realizing I need to find out is the first step!

Step 2: What makes you happy?

For the next week I’m going to write down things that make me feel good, and sift through and find ones that I can easily do when I’m not feeling great.

Example: Walks usually help me clear my head. I love to be in nature, and to even photograph it. So nature walks and photography can definitely be on that list.

Keep doing this until you have 5/6 items on your list, (which forces you to be creative and think deep), and then pick your top 3.

Step 3: When the heck do you use self care?

This is the hard one for me. I feel like I don’t deserve to take care of myself, or I need to take care of someone else. Well just like they say on airplanes: “secure your oxygen mask before assisting someone else”. How can you expect to be there for someone else if you’re a mess yourself?

It’s frickin hard I know, but you deserve to be happy, too; I promise.

To figure this one out, I thought back to the times I felt the worst:

  • Arguments with loved ones, whether parents, friends, significant others, etc. This is when I’d feel the most emotionally out of control and depressed.
  • When I’m on my period, o tend to feel really low energy, low mood. I know that this is a symptom of this time of the month, but I tend to convince myself that it’s just me and not what’s going on in my body. Big mistake! Don’t underestimate your hormones.
  • When a traumatic experience happens, whether a death, break up, loss of job, etc. These times are hard, and you need to be there for yourself more than ever.
  • When I’m overly stressed out about school or work I tend to feel really bad.
  • Some days, there is no reason. Some days I just wake up and feel like shit, and THAT’S OKAY TOO!
  • Your answers may be the exact same or different, but it’s important to think back to the times you’ve felt the worst. This is when you need self care the most.

Step 4: Remember!

You don’t have to be at your worst to practice self care, this is just the most important time to have these skills!
Sometimes it’s good to take care of yourself on a regular basis REGARDLESS of how you’re feeling.

Also remember that you deserve self care and love just as much as anyone else. You are human; you make mistakes.

Step 5: Is that it?

Pretty much. Sounds easy, right? Well it’s not going to be easy, but we have to try and stick with it. Whatever helps you stick to self care, use it.

I have a hard time doing things for myself because of my insecurities and self doubt, I tell myself I don’t deserve it. What is helping me is telling myself that I’m doing it for those around me. It is important, though, for me to teach myself that at the end of the day, it is for myself, too.

This was a hard thing to open up about because it’s pretty embarrassing to say at 22 I have no idea how to take care of myself. Realizing this is the first step. Then to act on it, and to continue to act on it.

We will get there. ♥️

xo,

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Mental Health

Having anxiety vs Having anxiety

Anxiety doesn’t have a “look”. Nor does depression, happiness, or any other feeling and mental health condition. This is me when I want the world to see me vs when I do not. But my anxiety is there in both. My insecurities are there in both. Whether you’re panicking because you’re picking up your mom from the ferry, or panicking because you feel both mentally numb and out of control at the same time, your anxiety is valid.
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Today I’m giving myself permission for this feed to not be perfect. I’m giving myself permission to be human. To make mistakes. To have depression. To have anxiety. I am giving myself permission to be and share my best and worst self today. To not kick myself down into the dirt because I assume everyone is going to think I’m doing it for attention. Or because people are going to judge me. I’m giving myself permission to be able to show my real self to the world today and from now on, and not apologize. I am unhappy in both of these pictures, but it’s really easy to hide that on social media. Let’s lift those barriers. We all have issues. We all deal with them differently. They are all valid. Be your beautiful self and don’t apologize for it. ♥️

xo,

A3D7EE3D-F666-4772-AE13-C37CADDE24A6

Wellness

“Mercury in Retrograde”??

What the heck does that mean?? I’m here to help!

What does Retrograde mean?

“Retrograde” is actually an optical illusion! It happens when there is a change in the motion of a planet through our skies. It may look like they are moving backwards in their orbit, but this is not the case.

On any normal day, planets are moving in a “prograde” motion from west to east through our skies, but a “retrograde” motion is when they are moving east to west, or backwards, periodically. Like I said before, this is just an illusion.

For example, if Mars is in “prograde”, then “retrograde”, then “prograde”, etc., this illusion is caused because Earth is moving faster in its orbit than is Mars. So while we are behind Mars in orbit, it will appear to be going forwards, and as we pass, it will appear to be going backwards.

Why should I care?

As explained by Sara Coughlin from refinery29, “retrogrades can be a time of delayed progress and disruption”, and each planet can affect us in a different way.

Examples being Mercury affecting our communication with others, Venus, our love lives, and Mars, everything related to conflict.

Summer 2018 is a big year for retrogrades, as there are 7 happening! That is a lot of disruption in our day to day lives.

Over the last few months, you may have been feeling like you can’t do anything right. Heightened frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. Just remember that the stars could be contributing more than you’re giving them credit for.

What can I do about it?

Whether or not you believe in the affects of the stars and planets, just remember to be patient with yourself and others, and focus on your communication.

1. Take everything one day at time: Take breaks when you need to. It’s okay to sit a social event out of yours not feeling yourself.

2. Talk to your support system: Others may be experiencing the same feelings as you, and it’s really nice not to feel alone.

3. Research: I don’t know about you, but one thing that helps me feel more at ease is to understand what I’m going through, and why I’m feeling the way I do. I hope this post helped your understanding of retrogrades at least a little bit.

We are all on this together.

xo,

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Positivity

Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own

It’s hard to see your own beauty when you are comparing yourself to others. Try and focus on the fact that you are beautiful too.

Your hair, your personality, your eyes, your talents, your arms, your hobbies, your toes, your smile, your tummy, your laugh.

Who you are is what makes you beautiful.

What you do is what makes you beautiful.

And yes; what you look does like makes you beautiful, regardless of what YOU believe.

But it is not just one of these three things. Because what’s beautiful is being who you are, and knowing that beauty is in being yourself.

xo,

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