As Winston Churchill once said,
"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
One step forward, 2 steps back.
5 steps back.
Constant set backs.
Keep getting up.
I genuinely can’t stand saying this right now because I just want to be stubborn and feel the low I’m feeling. The one I’ve been feeling for months. The one I’m working through day in and day out with little progress shown.
There’s gotta be something better than this.
Let it go.
Let them go.
Believe in better days yet to come.
Believe in better people yet to come.
Keep getting up.
Call me silly, but I am a firm believer in the power of the universe, (or whatever you call it).
When you’re on the right path, everything will fit together so easily. No effort needed; you won’t have to force anything.
Contrary to this, when you’re on the wrong path, you will often find yourself asking, “are you kidding me?” Nothing works out the way you planned; you may feel ripped off. Stressed. Pressured. It’s like walking through tar while falling down a canyon of ledges which you continue to bounce off.
The universe is ruthless, and will make sure you get on the right path again.
This is not to say that the world is against you, or anything such as that. Simply put, listen to the signs.
When things are continuously not working out, step back and assess what may need some reconsideration.
Take these ups and downs with an open mind, open eyes, and a lot of patience. The resistance will subside.
Sometimes it will take months of convincing, but the universe gets through to you; no matter how stubborn.
Lots of love,
Did you know there is such thing as cuticle cream? I didn’t. It was a gift, like the one I received from the universe when I began to be there for myself.
My hands? I never liked them. I never knew I didn’t like them. Much like my arms, body, face; they were bigger, hairier, fatter, wider.
But my hands allow me to type and write my heart out. To hold the hands of the ones I love.
But my arms are beautiful; freckles, hair, birthmarks, and all. They allow me to embrace others, hold my belongings, care for myself. They lift me up when I’m down. They pull me where I need to go.
My mom used to say I was bigger boned. That’s why I shopped in the teen section when I was still a child. Girls say size 6, I haven’t been a size 6 since I was 8. Bigger bones she said. Bones that support my goals and strides. Bones that don’t break from words and rejection.
My face may be wide, but my face is full. It’s full of smiles and tears and frowns and cheers. My cheeks rise up to convey my happiness. My face is wide with more room for smile.
I didn’t know about cuticle cream. I didn’t know how to love my hands, my arms, my big bones, or face. I’m learning.
I’m ready to kick some booty this semester, because last really kicked mine. Getting organized by labelling what to read and by when. I some how ended up with 3 heavy reading courses (rip me) but I’m ready!
Some awesome things that have happened recently: I have joined an OCD group, focused on exposure therapy. I’m super excited to learn strategies to handle things I didn’t even know were abnormal until recently!! Next, I joined a knitting club, lmao 😂 something I’ve always wanted to try. I’m kind of getting back into writing (poetry?) because doing it badly is better than not doing it all, right!?
Here is the latest:
Lastly, I had a weird realization the other day: I’ve been learning all about myself the last few weeks. Like you know when you are becoming friends with someone new, and you learn about what they like and how they are, etc.? That’s what’s happening to me, but for me!! It’s hard to explain and probably sounds silly, but I didn’t realize how little love I had for myself until I was forced to face it.
I’m just doing me and forgetting about the rest. It’s 10/10. Highly recommend.
I hope spring semester, (or just January-April), has treated you all kindly thus far, and continues to be good for you. ♥️
I’ve been hiding from the world.
Not because I’m scared, but because I’m recharging. Cocooning if you will.
The past few New Years Eves, my boyfriend and I have stayed home, made a nest of cozy blankets, had buckets of snacks, and just hung out and reflected on our year.
This is SUCH a lovely tradition.
Last night we added onto our tradition, and rang in 2019 by writing down everything we didn’t want to take into the new year, and burned them. We watched them burn and released them from our worries.
It was cheesy, beautiful, and SO necessary.
I highly encourage anyone who needs to let something go to write it down and watch it burn. You owe it to yourself to rid your mind of the toxic worry and self loathing.
I’m ready to begin 2019 refreshed and ready to focus on building me up. I’m ready to fly 🦋 #choosingme2019
The holidays are a stressful time for everyone. Expectations, expectations, expectations. What are you doing with your degree? When will you finish? What did you get everyone? How long are you staying? What are we doing today, together? Are you happy now? Are you seeing all of your friends? You shouldn’t eat that! Are you happy now? When are you getting married? Kids? Savings? Shopping? What are you doing with your life?
The majority of these expectations, I’m realizing, are self inflicted. Your aunt may ask, your mom may pry, your grandma may wonder, but it’s you that is in control. Step back, and examine how you accept these comments.
It is ultimately your life. If you are taking an extra year on your degree, great! You will finish. You don’t need to get married or have kids yet; only when you’re ready. If you need to go home early because you’re “familied out”, GO. If you don’t feel comfortable being who you are around your family, that’s okay.
At the end of the day, everyone just wants what is best for you. I promise you that stressing to meet everyone else’s expectation is not that. The best person who knows what’s beat for you is you… and your mom so listen to her (90% of the time). The holidays are filled with so many expectations, so it’s our duty to protect ourselves from them. Ultimately, you are in control. Whether it’s anxiety, life decisions, or what to eat, do what is best for you and don’t beat yourself up for it. Loved ones will have opinions, but at the end of the day, happiness and wellness are the only priorities that should dictate change in your life.
** here is my best boi, unapologetically living his best chubby life. do you, boo boo. **
I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I said yes to a movie date all those years ago, but I know for sure that it was the right decision. I often feel like I don’t deserve you, or that you’re too good for me, but I’m trying daily to remember that the universe doesn’t make mistakes. My anxiety tells me you’re going to leave, that it’s all too good to be true, and that you’re getting tired of me. You remind me that my anxiety tells me a lot of things, but it doesn’t make it true. I remind myself that you were sent to me for a reason, and you are still around for a reason.
You are far from perfect to a normal standard, but you are perfect for me. You grind my gears, but you help me become a better person every day. You take my broken pieces, and help me glue them back together.
I appreciate your time, patience, words, humour, kindness, love, effort, and commitment. Whatever I did to deserve you is something I thank the universe for everyday. Regardless of what happens I will always have someone in my corner of the ring to call me on my shit but hold me until it’s over, and that I wish for ever person out there. Everyone deserves to find the love that you have for me.
I’m sorry. I’m still learning to love you. Every day I’m trying, now. I’ve spent so many years hating you when I was thin and when I was larger. I don’t want to hate you anymore, because you’ve never done me wrong. When you carried me through the best moments of my life, I still hated you. You did nothing but be there for me. You digest my favourite foods, allow me to feel so many things, let me see my surroundings. I’ve spent so much time trying to hide you from the world.
That ends today. You are nothing to be ashamed of. You are not something that needs to be hidden from the world. I don’t hate you anymore, at least I’m trying not to. I’m grateful for you. I’m trying every day to be grateful for you. You are always there when I need you to take me where I need to go. You are always there to calm me of my anxiety. I’m trying to love you body, and I will continue to try my best to love you each and everyday. All of you.
Why is society’s standard to not be body positive? It’s like if you’re confident about your body you’re a narcissist or something. What is so wrong with showing ourselves some love?!
They tell you on the airplane to secure your mask before helping another. You take time off work if you’re sick. You go to work and/or school every day to better yourself.
So why is ~simply~ being positive about your body so hard? Why are we influenced and encouraged to be insecure, (not intentionally of course)?
It’s taken years of bullshit and vastly deteriorating mental health to get to this point. I’m still struggling everyday. The most important things is that we don’t give up. I’m hitting a point in life where there’s no way out but self love. The universe has slapped me in the face because I’ve neglected myself for so long, and I must grow.
We’re all on this together. Check yourself out. Drink water. Move your body. Fuel your body. Feed your soul. Buy yourself a cupcake. Eat the cupcake. Repeat.
I remember when I was younger, my mom would always tell me: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.
She told me to repeat it in my head over and over again. But the words do hurt. They really, hecking hurt. They encourage my mind to run through the miles and miles of negative thoughts and self doubt I harbour in my head.
A lot of things hurt. Some days just being awake hurts. Mental health is so hard to understand sometimes because not enough people are talking about it. There still remains stigma.
I encourage you to speak up, and speak out. Even if you just share your feelings, or what you deal with, it’s something. There is nothing more comforting than finding that you aren’t alone in how you feel.
A lot of things hurt, but there is comfort out there. There are others out there that feel the way you do. There are people who care about you. There is more to life than how you feel.
Words hurt, but this too shall pass. 🌷
It’s hard to see your own beauty when you are comparing yourself to others. Try and focus on the fact that you are beautiful too.
Your hair, your personality, your eyes, your talents, your arms, your hobbies, your toes, your smile, your tummy, your laugh.
Who you are is what makes you beautiful.
What you do is what makes you beautiful.
And yes; what you look does like makes you beautiful, regardless of what YOU believe.
But it is not just one of these three things. Because what’s beautiful is being who you are, and knowing that beauty is in being yourself.