I hate using you in a sentence. I literally hate using the word “depression”, but I don’t know else how to explain the feelings and thoughts you send my way. I hate complaining about how I feel, and how sad I am. How unhappy I am.
I LITERALLY ANNOY MYSELF CONSTANTLY. WHY AM I SO SAD. JUST BE HAPPY. IT USED TO BE SO EASY. IT WASN’T EVEN SOMETHING I HAD TO THINK ABOUT. NOW IT’S LITERALLY THE HARDEST THING EVER. I’M JUST SO SAD. SO FUCKING SAD. EVERYDAY. EVERY SECOND. And when I’m not?? NUMB. I can’t feel a GOD DAMN THING.
Some moments you don’t even let me know whether or not I love my boyfriend. I don’t even know if I’m really sad. The tears just pour out while I stare at the wall.
Some moments you hit me with emotions, and they just come flooding in so hecking strong out of absolutely no where, and I can’t do anything but cry.
You tell me, stronger now than ever, that I am a problem. To everyone. You’re convincing me that the world is better without me. That there is comfort in unexistence. That people would be happier if I wasn’t around.
Some moments you get the best of me, and I believe you. I allow myself to fall deep into your dark realities.
You convince me that telling others about what I’m feeling is just asking for attention, or that people will judge me. You tell me that no one wants to hear it and that I have to hide it. That I should just disappear secretly and stop causing problems.
I can’t accept it though. I will not let you take me. I will not stop fighting. I will tell on you. I will tell everyone. I love life. I love love. I love me. And I am going to conquer you. Even though it’s getting harder and harder, I will not fail.
The girl who won’t give up.
PS Come on man, you’re cramping my independent, badass style I’m trying to radiate. Piss off, will ya?