I’m so sorry that it’s been so long. It’s been a long few months.
Today I’m going to rant. I saw this post on Facebook this morning:
Being waitlisted because you’re not hearing voices. Or because your reoccurring thoughts of suicide haven’t quite turned into downright plans. I was waitlisted for 6 months, (no seriously, from May-November), because the doctor deemed me “not bad enough”. Because I didn’t have actual plans to take my own life, or because my lack of schizophrenia was too normal.
Waiting and waiting and feeling stupid for even asking. You see those commercials that say “don’t wait, ask for help”. Well what about when you do and you’re dismissed? Being told and treated as “it could be worse”? That makes it worse.
Over the course of the 6 months that I had been waiting, I have watched myself fall further and further from happiness. While my thoughts of suicide may not be plans, they are getting awfully close. My panic and anxiety are 24/7, I can barely get through classes without having to mentally check out and calm down. My OCD is so heightened, that half of my nights now just walking around my house, sleepless, and unintentionally formulating new rituals to try and satisfy my lack of control.
Now I validate 1000% that there are people that desperately need support more than others. I am so happy that they are getting help, and the message I’m trying to relay is not that I am in any way more important than another. I am so thankful to live in a country where mental health is a priority and there are resources, a large percentage of them even being free.
I am simply trying to illustrate that if my mental health had been taken seriously when I originally built up the courage to ask for help, I more than likely, would not have slipped as far as I have. You leave the doctor’s office feeling like an idiot for even trying because you feel unwell, but you are dismissed. There seems to be nothing physically wrong with you, so you’re fine, right?
The demand is still far surpassing the supply of Mental health resources. The majority of doctors seem to lack strategies for treating patients with mental illness. This is simply just my opinion.
I hope you are all doing well! ♥️♥️♥️
Lots of love,